Book Excerpt: Being Held
Have you, like me, ever stayed too long because you believed your worth was tied to how much you could carry?
Dear Friend,
It’s been cold and rainy in Idyllwild this weekend. A bit of weather whiplash but always a welcomed invitation to slow down and accept what is.
The last few months have been fueled by the heat of launching Her Wisdom Era (I finally have a podcast!!), new clients, book deadlines, friends' visits and supporting my daughter in her college journey. Hustle energy has absolutely come in. But my body has gotten wiser about recognizing when my nervous system is asking for rest and when I haven't created enough space for the solitude that replenishes me. That wisdom is hard-earned and I'm learning to listen to it.
So instead of forcing myself to write something new this weekend, I'm inspired to share with you the first official excerpt from my book, Done With the Hustle.
The manuscript was accepted last month and we're now in the copyediting stage, on track for a spring 2027 publication date with HarperOne + HarperCollins Español.
The excerpt I chose is called "Being Held," from Chapter 11: SISTERHOOD. It felt like the right one because sisterhood is what has held me through these last stages of grieving multiple identities and resurfacing on the other side. The confidence and wisdom I carry now belong to a woman who has lived many lives and found the courage to reinvent herself over and over. That woman needed her sisters to get here.
You, amiga, don't have to hold it all alone. We've got each other. So find each other, nurture each other, hold each other with honesty and with love.
Being Held
For far too long, I had clung to the identity of being the one who held it all together, who stayed strong no matter what. It wasn’t just how I showed up; it was how I measured my worth. Because somewhere along the way, I had started to believe that if I could just keep holding it all together, it meant I was doing something right. Something worthy. And if I’m being honest, the holding was never just about strength. It was also about control, because gripping everything tightly was easier than facing the terrifying possibility of what might happen if I let go.
I had to ask myself a real question. Was I really strong? Or just afraid to be held?
I couldn’t let things fall apart, no matter how hard it felt, because I was trapped in the belief instilled by the dominant culture that equates quitting with failure. And when you carry that belief, it fuels a hustle that’s unsustainable and borders on dangerous because it makes burnout feel noble and self-neglect look like leadership.
There’s a special kind of loneliness in being the strong one. And if you’re always holding space for others, it’s important to ask yourself: Who’s holding space for you?
The fear of losing my identity as a community leader, that sense of being needed and wanted, and of disappointing so many who saw the company as a role model for success lay heavy on me. That was the actual weight I felt, one I had created with illusions fed by fears.
Which brings me to ask you: Have you, like me, ever stayed too long in something because you believed your worth was tied to how much you could carry?
When I realized I had carried the company for much too long, I knew I had to step into my circle of containment–– my closest friends and family who could hold me without needing me to hold it all together–– and let go with full vulnerability to allow the web of support to catch me. No one was asking me to continue sacrificing my time, my health, and my financial well-being. And I had a responsibility to make sure the team wasn’t sacrificing for the mission, too. Watching them carry a burden that should have been shared broke me. I had modeled a way of leading that put everything on one person’s shoulders, and I did not want them to inherit that same pattern of self-sacrifice pretending to be strength.
After the call with the client who asked us to practically erase our focus on Latinas, I knew we had reached the finish line. I sank into the couch, tears blurring the screen. I knew it was over.
This excerpt is just one piece of a much larger conversation I've been having with myself and now with you. The book comes out next and I'll continue sharing what I'm learning along the way. If you're new here, I've written about the journey so far and you can find those posts in the archive.
This is the only excerpt from the book I’ll be sharing for free. Future excerpts will be for paid subscribers only. If you want to read along with me as this book comes to life, subscribe below.
If this resonated, I’d love to hear from you. Tell me in the comments: Have you ever stayed too long in something because you believed your worth depended on how much you could carry? What did it take for you to finally let yourself be held?
And if you know someone who needs to read this today, send it her way. That’s sisterhood in action.
Con amor,
Ana Flores 🌹
There is a special kind of loneliness of being the strong one, and in tying to worth to your output. It’s so hard to break out of these patterns but so necessary. Thank you for this!! I cannot wait to read your full book!
Thank you for your beautiful, honest writing, Ana. Here's to leaning into and being held by the sisterhood! ❤️